Don't Let Your Inner Script Turn You into a People Pleaser

Do you suffer from nice guy syndrome? If so, you often go out of your way to please others, sometimes at the expense of your needs. Helping others is an admirable quality, and the world would be much better if everyone assisted when needed.

Problems arise when your people-pleasing tendencies prevent you from being your authentic self. You may prioritize the needs and demands of others to the point that you suffer anxiety and self-resentment because you are never tending to your needs and desires.

People-pleasing is a practice born from a need to win the approval of others. It is triggered by emotional dependence, which develops from several situations. Here are a few common reasons many of us long for acceptance and go out of our way to make others happy.

·       Childhood abuse

·       Trauma

·       Insecurity

·       Fear of conflict

·       Faulty self-talk

An insecure person may suffer from low self-esteem. They need to validate themselves by winning the approval of others. A 2003 study reported on the Science Direct website tells us that childhood abuse can trigger a lifetime of people pleasing to create a false feeling of safety and security.

Trauma at any age may lead to nice guy syndrome as a response to stress. You may be familiar with the fight, flight, or freeze reaction to stress. Chronic stress causes someone to flee from a perceived danger, fight it, or freeze and do nothing.

There is a fourth f-word that describes another natural stress response. Fawning occurs as a people-pleasing action to resolve conflicts and obtain the approval of others.

If your desire to please others is causing problems, you may be operating with a faulty inner script.

What Is The Story You Tell Yourself?

The average person has a constantly running inner dialogue. You're probably aware of this. It becomes tiresome that you can't seem to silence your inner voice, which is usually negative and repetitive.

The next time your internal monologue has you believing you need to make someone else happy to validate yourself, question that idea. Look for the true motive behind your people-pleasing desire.

Are you hoping someone will like you if you help them? Low self-esteem might lead to these types of behaviors. Has a problematic childhood programmed you to validate yourself as worthy by placing the needs of others before your own?

It's virtually impossible to be authentic and live according to your values if all your time is spent being Mr. or Mrs. nice guy or gal. Pay attention to the inner script that is driving your people-pleasing behavior. Otherwise, you may never realize the fulfillment, success, and self-satisfaction that comes from prioritizing and pursuing your goals.