Your Inner Script Is Turning You into a Perfectionist

A demanding student hopes for a perfect score every time they take an exam. They hope to receive an A+ or 100% grade that signifies they could not have done any better. Those types of students fall into two separate categories.

1.    Unrealistic perfectionists

2.    Hopeful realists

The unrealistic perfectionist believes that anything other than a perfect grade is unacceptable. It is a sign that they are a failure. There is an all-or-nothing mentality to that mindset. The student who is a perfectionist may suffer from low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, anxiety, and self-destructive behavior.

A hopeful realist will diligently study and prepare for an exam. They don't beat themselves up like perfectionists if they receive a high but not perfect score. They are realists who understand perfection is fleeting, and if they did their best and received a good grade, that's OK.

Hopefully-realistic students would be happy with an A or a score of 95% on a paper, while perfectionists would see that as the end of the world.

Does Your Inner Dialogue Expect Perfection?

Students aren't the only people who may suffer from perfectionism. People of all ages, genders, and walks of life sometimes believe they are worthless if they can't perform perfectly. Why would someone adopt this belief that has so many negative attributes?

Someone may have grown up with unrealistic expectations from their parents. They might have endured verbal and emotional bullying from their peers. Our modern sports culture tells us that first place is the only important thing.

Negative experiences, past trauma, and hero worship can lead us to write an inner script that expects nothing but the best from us. Anxiety and a fear of failure can lead to perfectionism as a way to gain control and cope with limiting beliefs.

Perfectionism can be paralyzing. A person develops the idea that if perfection isn't guaranteed, why should they try? They see little need to make an effort because they constantly worry about living up to unrealistic expectations.

This thought pattern can spiral out of control if it isn't addressed. A person begins to fear making even the simplest of mistakes. They strive for external validation because they don't feel they can create a great reality independently. There is no room for compromise; everything is seen in black and white, with no gray areas.

If these thought patterns seem familiar, question them. Understand that we are imperfect creatures, so demanding perfection is pointless. You should undoubtedly push yourself to perform at the best of your abilities, but not to the point that you suffer emotionally and mentally because your inner dialogue demands perfection.